Wednesday, October 3, 2012

What I've learned about husbands

Now this isn't something new.  I'm sure we've all heard it. The question is how many of us practice it consistently?  That is the Golden Rule - Treat others like you want to be treated.  Now if I'm honest with myself I know I tend to let it slip in several areas with my relationship with my husband.  I just get comfortable and don't put forth as much effort.  It is a constant battle to be consistent.  Let me give some examples.

I want my husband to listen when I talk to him but do I fully listen to him when he's talking to me.  Honestly not always.  I find myself doing the head nod, and the uh uh sound of agreement like I am but we all know that is not truly listening.  I found myself tuning out whenever he'd start talking about a subject I wasn't really interested in, especially when he would start getting into the details of his job.  See my husband is an controls engineer and honestly I had no clue what he was talking about and he would go into extreme detail.  I think it is an engineer thing.  The thing is I would get upset when I didn't feel he was listening to me.  It occurred to me that if I want him to listen and engage in the conversation of my choice, I would have to do the same for him.  That meant paying attention and doing some reading so I knew what he was talking about.  Now it doesn't sound like a foreign language to me.  I have a general knowledge and can carry on a relatively good conversation with him or at least ask him questions.  Don't get me wrong I don't have near the understanding of the subject as he does but at least he knows I'm listening to him.  Am I perfect at it?  Not yet but I keep working on it.

I want my husband to be considerate of me, my wants and needs.  But was I paying attention to his?  It can be simple things like asking him if he would like a drink or something when you get up to get yourself one.  Making sure he has a lunch for work or breakfast before he leaves.  It could also be big things that do require you to sacrifice like living in a hotel for 6 weeks while he travels.  Believe it or not that was a big deal to my hubby.  We recently did this.  The intention was to be with him for at least 2 to 4 weeks but turned into 6.  He wanted us to stay longer.  I think it helped him deal with the stress of his job.  But I noticed that by making those efforts to be there for him, he has started doing it in return.

I think sometimes when we have been married for awhile, we just get complacent and let things slide.  In the beginning of our marriages we tend to go through what people call the honeymoon stage where he just knows we are crazy about him because of the way we treat them.  After awhile though we tend to let kids, work, commitments, and everything else come between us.  It takes a lot of effort but I want my marriage to work so I'll keep working on the faults I see in me and the ones I know he sees in me.  Now before someone gets bent out of shape about that last comment, he does not say anything about me in a nasty or degrading way.  But if you pay attention you will pick up on things that your husband doesn't really like.  I remember sitting in our couples Sunday School class and they were talking about how women are emotion driven.  One of the examples was eating out because they didn't feel like cooking that day,  he gave me a quick side glance but never said a word about it.  It wasn't really a rebuke but I heard him.  He didn't really like getting that call can we go out to eat for dinner tonight, I really don't feel like cooking.  He has never told me no we couldn't but I did get the sense he really didn't like it.   I started trying to look at it from his perspective.  After thinking about it for awhile it kind of dawned on me.  After working all day the only thing he wants to do is come home put on some comfy clothes and relax with the family not run around town.  Honestly I'd want the same thing.  I also realized it was a waste of money because it costs more to eat out than to cook.  Besides as a housewife it is my job and how many bosses will let you tell them I didn't do it because I didn't feel like it.  Sometimes you have to do what you don't feel like doing because it is what is best.  As a benefit, my family eats more healthy and my husband feels respected because I ain't blowing his money or demanding he do things for me when he's tired.

I hope to get better at showing my hubby that I love him everyday.  Because when I honestly look at things I can't change him or others I can only change me and people respond to you by the way you treat them.

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